pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
