My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
