Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
