Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize