I skipped work to stalk him.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
