We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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