I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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