people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
