Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
