please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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