Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
