...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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