So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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