I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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