Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
