You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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