He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
