Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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