As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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