She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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