I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
