He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
