um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
