People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
