Don't you send me to vm
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
