ya dads aren't the best wingmen
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
