why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
