I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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