he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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