Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
