oh god the rape fog is back!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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