Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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