it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
