This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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