Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
