What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
