I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
