cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
