Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You were trust falling into bushes
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
