9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
