If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
