I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
