i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
