My sheets look like a crime scene.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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