Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
