I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
