Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
