Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
