am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
