it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
