At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
