I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
