I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
