ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
