im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
