Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
