Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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